Child...

If someone doesn't know me well, they thought that I'm a serious person, but actually I'm not at all. I always love to laugh. There was a time i underwent depression but now I'm happy with my life. I'm improving in terms of my health too.

I always love to look at children. They're just a wonderful creatures that Allah creates to make us happy. They will look at this world from different angle. Currently. I'm doing my GP posting. There are always a cute baby and children who came to clinic.

I notice there is aquarium in the doctor's room. There is also a small fish pond outside the room.

One child came and ask the doctor, "Doctor, why you put the big fish and big tortoise outside and you put the small fish and small tortoise here?"

The doctor reply, "When this small fish and tortoise growth bigger, i will put them outside. For now, i need to take care about them as there are still small".

I have been in the clinic for few days but i don't ever notice about the small fish or big fish. I also don't ever notice that there is tortoise too.

Child are so cute. I am looking forward to become a pediatrician one day. I am planning, Allah is also planning and Allah is the best planner after all.

One more thing about child is that they never complain like adult:) Ok, just put this beautiful nasheed here.

Changeless...

Before class, Dr L asks us one question. What is changeless? We need to think about that and come with answer at the end of the class.

There are lots of answers for that question.

God is changeless.

Time is changeless.

I said that destiny is changeless.

Want to know the answer? The question is subjective actually. You can say whatever things that you want.

According to Dr L – Change is changeless.

Whatever change that happen in this second can never change. So change is changeless.

Sometimes in life there are lots of things that are so difficult to contemplate.

There are lots of things that were difficult for me to understand.

Why I met someone?

Why things happened?

Should I still be hoping for a miracle?

What my dream was all about?

Then I start to reflect on destiny.

Destiny is Allah's perfect knowledge of all events past or future, as if a single moment. This expresses the absolute sovereignty of Allah over all beings and events. People can be aware of a certain event when they experience it. But Allah knows all events prior to their occurrence. For Allah, past, present and future are all the same. They are all within the knowledge of Allah since He is the One Who creates them.

The keys of the Unseen are in His possession. No one knows them but Him. He knows everything in the land and sea. No leaf falls without His knowing it. There is no seed in the darkness of the earth, and nothing moist or dry which is not in a Clear Book.(Surat al-An'am 59)

Laugh...

I am not serious lately. It seems that i have 'pathological laughing'. People might want to laugh to listen this thing. But it was serious for me. I don't want to be rude to anyone but it happens. My friend said that it was in my brain. Huhu...

Sometimes when we ask opinion, certain people are always try to be judgment and it was terribly tough for me. I can't explain to anyone what i am facing. At this moment of time, i really need Allah.

53:43 That it is He Who granteth Laughter and Tears;

People might think that i was doing it purposely but the fact was Allah is the one who grant me this 'pathological laughing'. I only have Allah to solve this problem. I really need to cry in front of Him to make sure that all of these things gone. Ya Allah, pelase helps me...

Feedback..

I felt so touched with the feedback that i received from one of my lecturer regarding my perception on elective. It motivates me:)

Dear Ummu Afeera

Wa..salam wrb

I have read whole 6 pages- its like a reflective diary rather than a perception. I appreciate your feelings to become a NOBLE MUSLIM doctor- and I can't say any consolation words for the bad things you have experienced- these are normal/natural matters that happens in hospitals in many parts of the world- but in my experience I have also seen the thing the opposite in some instances- 'A doctor ia an angel - next to GOD'.

So you have to be very careful in this 'slippery world'- as you said 'to beautify iman in my heart'- try to practice that very hard - your AD will help you to be away from all evils. Dont worry about learning- if you are in the right track, Allah will help/guide you to become a NOBLE MUSLIM doctor, insAllah.

I will pray for your mental peace and deep feelings/understanding for the underserved and be away from worsts

I am really happy to read your 'perception' beyond elective2- your English not that bad.

Thanks. Keep up Ummu!!

nasrin

Last...

Procedure

I have a lot of opportunity to perform and observe procedure. I really want to be good in my skill. I had seen a doctor who doesn’t know how to intubate a child here. Soon later I heard that the child had died. I also see one doctor that noticed that there is ST elevation in a patient that alleged a motor vehicle accident. The doctor doesn’t start streptokinase or anything to manage that condition. Later patient died because of cardiogenic shock. I am afraid if I became like those doctors. Maybe I made a wrong judgment as I did not know much. Hopefully Allah will give me more knowledge and wisdom.

During my electives also, I met few doctors who always love to teach and good in their practice. I wish that I can become like that.

Last

I wrote a very long perception and my English was terrible. My writing will make the one that read it had a great migraine. It’s better to stop here. The great lesson that I learn from my elective is that Allah knows. Allah knows the best place that I should go. I hate this place but it teaches me a lot.

But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not. (Albaqarah:216)

Teacher...

I met two of my teacher in hospital. One of them was shocked to see me. I believe that I am the worst student that she had ever had. Long time ago, I quarreled with her during assembly as I don’t agree with her rules. She teaches me Al Quran Sunnah. I also once asked her the reason to study all that as it will never benefit me. Once a time I hate Islam. I have the knowledge but I hate it. But Allah changes me. I think she is happy to see that I have change. I also missed her and I really hope to see her again as I want to ask for her forgiveness for all my wrong doing. I hope that Allah made me istiqamah in this road forever.


I also met another teacher but I don’t introduce myself. She brought her father to hospital and he cursed her a lot. I don’t want her to know that I am her student as it will make her embarrassed.

Retinoblastoma..

I knew about retinoblastoma through my reading from Reader’s Digest. The story is about how one picture save a life.

I met one baby during my elective. The baby’s eyes look abnormal to me. When I asked the mom, she said that her baby has retinoblastoma and is under HKL follow-up.

Sometimes Allah teaches us certain thing beautifully.

I remember Prof Latiff’s question on Ramsay-Hunt Syndrome and I met one case on that. I am excited as I know the diagnosis when my external supervisor asked about it. But I forgot cranial nerve examination. I am blurred at that time that cranial nerve seven is facial nerve. Allah teaches me a lesson. Allah doesn’t want me to be proud about myself.

But sometimes medicine gives me satisfaction. There is one old lady came with left-sided weakness. The doctor suspected that she is having CVA and want to discharge her after giving a referral letter and medication. I examine that patient before as I did an ECG on her. At that time, I saw that her breast already ulcerated and I know that she had breast carcinoma and it already metastasized to brain. I told the doctor about that. The doctor did an examination and then she was admitted to surgical ward.

I am not a doctor yet but I can feel ‘something’ that made me happy.

Memorable moment...

I prayed to Allah to beautify iman in my heart. The most memorable moment during my elective happened in Ramadan. I can felt that Allah is so close to me.

When My servants ask thee concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I listen to the prayer of every suppliant whe1n he calleth on Me: Let them also, with a will, Listen to My call, and believe in Me: That they may walk in the right way. (Surah Al Baqarah:186)

In that verse Allah said that He is close to His servant. Allah knows everything. No matter what, inside or out, there is one thing of which there is no doubt, Allah knows.

Being in A&E made me familiar with death. And sometimes death was something normal for me.

There once I see a Chinese patient died. I do not feel anything. No sense of empathy in the children who pay tribute at his father's last. I do not feel anything.

I also saw an Indian family mourn the death of their mother. Worst, I smiled at that time. Why do they act like this? I can felt that my heart becoming likes a stone with every passing day. I whisper to Allah that I should not become like this

"O Allah, does my heart getting sicker?”

No doubt that Allah listens to our whisper. Allah gave me one experience to teach me about death.

That morning there was a young woman brought into Red Zone. She had a difficulty in breathing. But doctors do not perform active management because she was diagnosed with colorectal carcinoma. She is on palliative care. No CPR, nothing to do. They just fit instruments to take readings of Sp02 and blood pressure. They also put cardiac monitor in her chest. Then everyone left. Everybody knows she will eventually go whatsoever. I was left alone with her at that time.

I can see that the heart beat is gradually decreasing. Allah inspires me to recite syahadah in her ears. Honestly I never saw any dying human before and that was my first experience.

What happened? Although these women are not moving, her pupil already dilated but each time syahadah being recited, her heart beat will increase, become static and then back down. That happened several times. It made me feels so afraid, I started to cry. Everyone said that a doctor should not cry but I am terribly afraid. I could feel the woman struggled with the agony. I also feel that the angel of death is too close to me. I do not know the explanation of what happened from the medical point of view. Doctors have also mentioned about the PEA but I do not really understand it. I continue reading Lailahaillallah. Finally, her heart rate down to 30 and then become asystole showing that she is death.

Each soul has its Given Date. Her soul already meets with its Eternal Fate. I then helped remove all equipment is in patient's body. I tried all my best efforts to remove it slowly. Her mother came in at that moment. I cannot utter a word. I hate myself. Sometimes I am weak and I felt that I cannot become a doctor. I am not professional. Only Allah knows the reason behind everything. Only Allah knows why He chose me to become a doctor.

That woman was only 34 year old. She is so young. It made me think about something. Tomorrow could be my Day. Who know?

After completion of my business, I run to the prayer room. That Dhuha prayer is the most meaningful Dhuha prayer in my life, hoping for mercy and forgiveness from Allah.

The story doesn’t stop there. Back from the prayer room, I continue my task as usual. There is a PC that open reading AlQuran and Allah gave me a strong jolt when the reading that time - kullu nafsin dzaiqatul maut - every soul will taste death. I can feel that Allah is very close. I am afraid with what had happen. Allah knows that I am getting worst everyday and He remind me with the experience.

Bullying..

There is one patient admitted to yellow zone. He is having seizure and he looks restless. The doctor suspected that he is having meningoencephalitis. His parent looks so worried. But what happen behind the curtain made me terribly sad. The MAs slap him, pinch his nose and put their leg in the patient’s face. I cannot believe my eyes and I am sad that I cannot do anything.

I do not know whether that was a treatment or something because there is also one incident involves one female patient. She had syncope. The nurses and the MAs said that she is lying. They pinch the patient’s nose and her nail. Then they used syringe and gushed water in the patient eyes. After that, the patient wakes up. Huhu… I don’t really understand whether that was ‘treatment’ or anything else.

Bad communication skill...

There is one Indian women and she had cervical carcinoma. She is on morphine and she needs to take it for every four hours. She came to hospital as the medication was not enough. She complains of having body ache. The doctor screamed at the patient and said that she was also having body ache. I just want to scream at the doctor back and said that she is having cancer and you don’t have it. It was totally a different thing. But of course I am just a medical student and I cannot do anything.

There is also one Malay doctor who used ‘I’ and ‘you’ to communicate to old Malay patient. I felt that I want to slap her so that she can speak Malay properly. She doesn’t even touch her patient. I just cannot believe my eyes to see all these kinds of doctors in the hospital.

Haya (Shyness)

The Prophet (saws) has said in one hadith, "When there is no haya left, then do as you please."

I am sad and sometimes stress when I see that there is no more shyness in one self.

Being in hospital made me asking Allah every time to put haya in my heart. I am sad when I see one nurse talk about dirty thing to MAs. I am sad when one MA asks a nurse to open her cloth as there is blood stained in her cloth. I am sad when one doctor makes a joke and said that a man is always ‘active’ and a woman is always ‘passive’ in bed.

I do not know if this culture was normal in hospital. Touching among genders seems to be normal in hospital. And of course no one is guarding their gaze. I keep on asking myself whether this is the place that I want to be. I felt that everyone is losing their track in hospital. Everyone is becoming worst in hospital.

I do not know whether I can become a good practicing Muslim when I was in hospital. I asked Allah for strength. I will choose a place where there is a good friend for my horsemanship so that there is someone to remind me. May Allah beautify haya in my heart.

1 Malaysia..

I met one Indian friend here. She was studying medicine in Russia. The nurses are totally biased. Sometimes they scolded her without purpose. She evens cried to me. She said that the idea of 1 Malaysia is bullshit.

I agreed to her statement. Sometimes the nurses will scold the Indian patient and talk badly about Indian patient in front of my friend.

There was one time a Chinese lady quarreled with the MA as he speaks rudely to her. The lady evens said to the MA that he spoke nicely to Malay patient but not the Chinese.

I think it was a great disaster when someone does not really practicing Islam. I am sad with what had happened.

Back..

I don't really want to open back this blog. But maybe my experience can benefit others. I share my elective experience here. Shh..

Moses Maimonides prayer.

I would like to thank Dr Musa for teaching me such a great prayer when I was in pediatric posting. That was my first and the most memorable posting.

When I was alone in hospital, I always remember the prayer. Life was really tough. Sometimes I thought that I want to quit doing medicine but this prayer came to me and inspire me to move on.

There was one time I introduced my self thrice to one doctor, she doesn’t even uttered a word. It was such an embarrassing moment as everyone was looking at me.

I was also being scolded by nurses for so many times whenever I failed to insert brannula or do the catheterization. Sometimes the nurses will frighten me by taking my hand to insert the branulla so that I understand the pain. I already underwent one operation and I knew the pain. I do not have an intention to create pain to patient but somehow I am not so good in my skill. Sometimes I do not have a confidence to move on but this prayer will motivates me back.

It’s good to be in CUCMS when my lecturer is not only preparing me for the academic purpose but also to face the reality of challenging medicine world. Thanks Dr Musa for teaching me such a great prayer.

Necrotizing enterocolitis~

• Picture shown pneumatosis intestinalis in necrotizing enterocolitis.
• Symptoms: Related to introduction of feeds, bloody stool, lethargic.
• Treatment: Resect necrotic bowel

Hirschprung~

• Fail to pass meconium in the first 24-48 h of life.
• Also known as congenital aganglionic megacolon.
• Barium enema: dilated megacolon
• Gold standard: Biopsy (absence of ganglion cell)
• Treatment: Surgical

Duodenal Atresia~

• This is 'double bubble' sign in duodenal atresia.
• Patient came with bilious vomiting with every feed.
• Associated with Down Syndrome (Trisomy 21).

Blueberry muffin lesion~

Blueberry muffin baby is a term used to describe the characteristic distributed purpura due to extramedullary hematopoiesis found in infants.

It was originally considered characteristic of rubella, but is now considered to be potentially associated with many other conditions,such as cytomegalovirus.

It derives its name from the superficial similarity to a blueberry muffin.

Patient have hepatosplenomegaly.

Always remember Rubella!

Stalker...

There is no one who prefer to read this blog previously. But suddenly there is a lot of stalker here. Why? Can i ask you that question?

Instinct...

One thing that Allah grant me is that i have instinct to know whether someone that i met is good or bad.

Last Friday, i went to one mosque to ask for the Imam there permission to use the mosque as my batch want to have tazkirah session the next day. When i met that Imam, i felt uneasy about him. He don't even lower his gaze and not focusing the matter that i brought.

He keep on asking whether i am from Penang? Mix? Arab? I felt so annoyed with all those question. For me, he should not focusing on me but on the matter of the Ummah. I am not beautiful but i agree with what had been written by Sis Rytha. I still try to be good as i want his help. After that i went to usrah. At 12 midnight, he is messaging me asking whether i already take enough rest or not and continuing message to ask about the program. It was really annoying when a man messaging you at the middle of the night moreover he is someone that you expect to be terribly pious.

Actually after the program, my batch will be having a dinner. I have 2 clothes that suitable for the events but thinking about the Imam, i decided to wear all black. When i met him on Saturday, he was still not lowering his gaze. I felt that i just want to kill him straight away. I tried my best to tolerate until after the program. But the next day, he ask me permission to know me and keep on giving all the nonsense message. I showed my mom all the messages and she said that she want to slap the Imam.

You might want to laugh to read all these, but if you can think deeply, actually it was really sad when you think that you're not safe even at the mosque. It was so embarrassing.

I know that i don't have enough strength to get married. I am terribly busy. I failed to manage my own times. I am running here and there. But sometimes i felt that i want to get married to makes my life free from fitnah. I wan't to do dakwah and no one is disturbing me anymore. But it was terribly difficult to find someone that can accept me as what i am and really understand my love for dakwah is more than anything else in this world.

Once in my life time, i had met the right person but Allah plans the best for us. Allah has plan the best for him. Allah knows best.

I always remember the story in Islam about Ummu Salamah. Her husband died. After his husband death,Umm Salamah remembered the prayer her husband had quoted on his deathbed from the Prophet and began repeating it, "O Lord, with you I leave this my plight for consideration . . ." But she could not bring herself to continue . . . "O Lord give me something good from it", because she kept asking herself, "Who could be better than Abu Salamah?" In her mind, no one else can replace Abu Salamah. Abu Salamah is among the first one that went for hijrah. But it did not take long before she completed the supplication.

Do you want to know what Allah has plan for her? She was then married to Rasulullah SAW. Allah answered the prayer of Umm Salamah and gave her better than Abu Salamah. From that day on she was no longer the mother of Salamah alone but became the mother of all believers, Umm al-Mu'mineen. This story will always touch my heart.

I prayed to Allah to replace what is gone from me with something better. Allah must had plan something better for me even if it is not in dunya, it will be in akhirat.

My Perception - Internal Medicine~

William Arthur Ward once said, “The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires”.

If someone going to ask me, what is the great thing about internal medicine; I will definitely say that is because there are too many great teachers here. Dr Shuhaila, Dr Rafizi, Prof Latiff, Prof Rashid, and others have been inspiring me all the times. For example about Dr Shuhaila, she organize a class even on Sunday for us to do a mock long case exam. At that time, she was just coming back from Sabah. And every week, Dr Shuhaila and Dr Rafizi will do a class for us on Saturday from 8 am until 2 pm at least. On weekdays, Dr Rafizi will come almost every day. Where can I find such a great dedicated lecturers?

I always ask Allah to give me knowledge so that I can teach others same as the way my lecturers teach me. It is really inspired to look at them. I really want to be like them. There are only two types of person that I can be jealous to. The first one is the one that have the knowledge and he teaches others. The second one is the one that have wealth and he used it for Islam. Both of the qualities can be seen in my lecturers.

I hate the feeling when I go to hospital and no one really cares about medical student. I hope that I don’t become like that. I want to teach my junior even though at that time I am only a houseman. Ward round has been so boring for me in Putrajaya. Everyone is damn serious with their works. Can’t hospital become a better place for everyone?

I really hope that there is a continuation of study circle in Putrajaya so that we have a motivation. Sometimes we’re repeating the same day everyday. Go hospital and clerk the patient. We’re human and we tend to be bored. It will be great when we receive a booster at least once a week.

I think my enjoyment of clinical years is basically because I understand the learning process. I am not studying for the sake of exam like when I was in my pre-clinical years. I think I am just surviving in my pre-clinical years. The feeling of thirsty about the knowledge really comes in clinical years.

I agree with Dr Shuhaila that there should be a concept of mentor mentee in clinical years. Everyone should have their own mentor so that the mentor can really help them if they’re weak in certain area.

I love my small group for Internal Medicine. They have been helping me so much in terms of my study. I felt for the first time, SCL has been done. If we’re bored, we will do a discussion about our patient. All of us will really discuss about the patient especially every Tuesday in Terendak as Prof Rashid will come the next day =)

In this small piece of perception, I would like to ask forgiveness from all of my lecturers for every single mistake that I do that hurt you. Thanks a lot for such a wonderful experience.

My Perception - Surgery~

Alhamdulillah I was able to finish the surgery posting without any problem, except my log book. I failed inserting brannula and do proctoscopy. Anyway, surgery is such a posting that really tough and test your brain and body fitness. It is not as easy as what other people told me before. They keep on telling me that surgery is easier and direct to the point. But for me it is different. Yes it is direct to the point but it hard actually compared to internal medicine posting.

First of all the work that we need to do has doubled. Since every week we have to present 1 long case, I really need to spend most of the weekdays doing it, since I am not good at presenting long cases. But frankly speaking, I learned a lot during presenting my long case. It is actually thanks to both of our lecturers that come out with the idea of presenting it in hard copy because they want to see it how we write the cases. It feels like having a personal tuition classes whenever our lecturer correct the mistakes in the presentation. I really benefited in every long case that I presented.

One thing that I really like during this posting is the bedside teaching. Bedside teaching with Mr Ahmed Awil is great. We are like houseman in Hospital Terendak. It was actually a good learning experience. It feels like Mr Ahmed Awil really cares about us by asking every single thing about the patient. He didn’t want any of us lagging behind. His voice was so invasive that I can still remember every single thing that he said during the bedside teaching and in the clinic, especially if I got scolded. I got scolded when I don’t know how to palpate indiect inguinal hernia. He said that I can’t become a doctor because of that. I will reveal one secret here. I will always cry actually whenever I look at the clinical examination video for inguinal hernia. I don’t like it and sometimes I just hate surgery because of that but then I know that I have to do it in order to become a doctor. It was actually thanks a lot to Mr Ahmed Awil for keep on pushing us to do and learn something. It helps to increase our momentum, especially a slow learner like me. It makes me wanted to improve my performance, just because I don’t want to get scolded again.

Bedside teaching with Mr Ahmed Ali is totally different. It also a great learning experience but in different way. I enjoy bedside teaching with him even though I will always get palpitation waiting to be asked. He is really great but terribly humble. The way he explains things one by one really helps me to remember things easily. Alhamdulillah I can still remember the things that he asked during our TBL and seminar because he tried to correlate the learning issues in the topic. Bedside teaching with Mr Al Amin is a priceless experience. He showed us how to do a proper clinical examination. I can see that he tries to explain everything in detail regarding the cases.

I want to suggest one thing. For me it is good if the lecturers arranged the class for us like the way Dr Haizal organize it in O&G posting. I felt that I don’t have enough teaching in this posting.
I love the idea of using stair in this posting. It is good for our health.

Last thing, I would like to say sorry to both Mr Ahmed about my performances. I am truly sorry about it. It is not because I took it lightly but I am panic during the discussion. I don’t really like the way exam being conducted. It was totally not suitable for me. However, I seriously will improve myself. That is my pledge for the end posting of surgery. Thank you again to Mr Ahmed Awil, Mr Ahmed Ali Almutawakel, and Mr Al Amin for your teaching during this 8 week of surgery posting. We are so lucky to have all of you as our lecturers. May Allah bless you always. Thank you so much.

Surgery ~ Reflective Diary - Week 8

Academic Account

The exam was really tough for me. But I believe that everything has been destined. So I am not worrying so much.

My patient that I clerked during exam already discharged. I can’t ask her to fill the patient assessment form. I asked one of my patients that I have clerked to assess me. She had breast carcinoma and had already undergone toilet mastectomy.

I got a lot of terminal ill-patient in this posting that makes my heart burst. She is one of them. She is lucky because she really had good children. Her daughter will always be with her. I felt so touched when her son came and give her salam and kiss her. It was really a beautiful moment for me as we all know that teenagers nowadays are really terrible. I f the boy was little bit older; maybe I will fall in love. Just kidding!

She wants to give all 10 marks but then I said to her, it was impossible. Nobody is perfect. Then she gives me random marks. When I need to go, I said to her that this is my last day in hospital. I said to her that I will pray for her and may Allah gives her strength and cure her. Suddenly she starts crying. I think she knows her prognosis.

I don’t want to be there for a long time as I am afraid that I will start crying. I said thanks to her and go. I start crying after that.

Medicine teaches me a lot of things. I agree with the entire thing that had been said by Mr Ahmed Awil during grand reflection. I can’t believe that I already finished my third year. I can’t believe that I have reached this point. Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah and Alhamdulillah. I am nobody without Allah’s help.

S - I have Allah with me. Be in medical field that really teach me about life.

W - Easily cried, how I am gonna to become a doctor?

O – Be more mature in this field; see more cases, built confidence.

T - Make patient uncomfortable with my crying habit

Non Academic Account

One of my schoolmates died. He is a third year medical student and study in Cairo University. He just finished his exam and went to search a place to organize an Islamic program. But Allah loves him more; he alleged an accident and syahid peacefully.

I want to die like him. I really want syahid. I hope and always prayed that Allah grant it for me one day.

I have a lot of works to do. I am in charged for tazkirah Session this Saturday. I need to help my friend for Sister Talk today.

I am also missed my home terribly. I am going back to Johor this Sunday. My heart beat so fast to wait for that moment.

S - Remembrance of death will always give me motivation.

W - Can’t wait to go home.

O - Use my holiday effectively

T – Died in a bad way.

Surgery ~ Reflective Diary - Week 7

Academic Account

What a short week..!! What a busy week..!! I need to finish my long case presentation within this week. Luckily I already have enough patients for my long cases; it is just that I didn’t have enough time to write a proper long case. Alhamdulillah, lastly I managed to finished it. This week I spent my time in the clinic. It was a great learning experience. I did a lot of wound dressing at the clinic. I didn’t have the opportunity to do that in Terendak but Alhamdulillah I got the chance to learn how to do it properly and at the same time perform it. The staff nurses were so kind and helpful. We thanked them because they put 100% trust in us. Even the patients were so cooperative to allow us to do the wound dressing even though they know that we are only the medical students.

But I am so sad with myself. I am easily tired. I manage to draw blood but I failed to insert brannula. Maybe my friends are right. They said that I am a gangster. I am not good in skill. So sad that I can’t complete my log book. Nevermind,I will be doing emergency medicine for my elective and I can practice more. Insya Allah, i will become a good doctor.

S – Still manage to complete work eventhough I am terribly tired
W – Gangster, I am not good with skill.
O - Practice more during elective
T - My log book was not completed and there is high risk that I am going to get scolded.

Non Academic Account

I spend my weekend studying. I am not motivated actually but still trying to do the best. I am afraid with physical examination. Seriously I hate the way exam being conducted. I can’t focus. Afeera, be patient! 1 more week to go then I will enjoy holiday perhaps if I am not fail. Allahu A’lam. Allah knows what the best for me.

Every grain of sand
In every desert land, He knows
Every shade of palm
Every closed hand, He knows
Every sparkling tear
On every eyelash, He knows
Every thought I have
And every word I share, He knows
Allah knows

S- Believe that Allah is always there for me, His rope is strong and will never waver. His provision is there for all who are in need.
W - Easily tired, is should do blood test when I went back to Johor
O – Exam is an opportunity but it can also be threats, but then everything is destined. In His Dominion we exist for as long as He wills. And we call upon His bounty through prayer. And seek His favors through hope. For He is our refuge when difficulty strengthens its hold
T - Failure but then that was the best that Allah has plan for me.

Surgery ~ Reflective Diary - Week 6

Academic Account

Personally, I felt that surgery posting is little bit not well organized like other previous posting. I am so tired of calling the specialist and quarrelling with Randall in this posting.

I felt very tired and got severe headache on Tuesday. I am not studying in this week I am tired but then it doesn’t really benefit me. I can’t concentrate during TBL and Seminar. Then I need to think about the end posting dinner. I need to go to college and meet all the lecturers. It was really tiring.

I am also tired when I need to deal with all small particulars thing. I am still week in terms of presentation. I don’t think that my case presentation really reflect my ability in presenting case if I am a houseman.

S- I don’t think that I have strength anymore. I just cannot wait finishing this posting.
W- Cannot bear difficulty
O- Study during the weekend
T – Fail in end posting exam

Non Academic Account

It’s already a month I don’t met my family. I fell not motivated at all. Another 2 weeks more to go. I just cannot wait to finish this posting.

I went to Nilai this week to release my stress. I walk alone.

Then I do revision using Kaplan USMLE Step 2. It is the most suitable book and way of studying for me.

On Sunday night, I have usrah. It is good to have usrah as I felt that my heart will loose its tenderness if I don’t hear tazkirah for a long time.

S - Use a good book like Kaplan USMLE Step 2 to do revision.

W – Shopping and wasting my time

O- Usrah where I can reflect all the wrong doing that I do throughout the week.

T - Fail in end posting exam.

Surgery ~ Reflective Diary - Week 5

Academic Account

I felt guilty when I came late during grand ward round with Dr Ahmed Ali. I am so tired in this week. On call twice, preparing for seminar as my partner didn’t anything at all, went to usrah on Thurday made me really tired. I wake up early but after Subuh prayer, I fall asleep.

I confess to my naqibah during usrah that I came late. She said it was a sin. I felt so guilty this week. I promised to myself that I don’t want to come late again.

I passed my mid posting exam. I believed that I am improving in terms of academic during clinical years. I still remember my mentor said that I am the worst in the group during my professional exam. I felt that I want to meet him again and prove to him that he was wrong.

I believed that everything has been destined. Allah tested me often with failure during my pre-clinical years when I don’t believe in destiny totally with my heart.

Allah has planned my life to be the best…

S – Allah by my side
W - coming late to hospital
O- improve my attitude in coming week and for the rest of my life
T - patient died as I had poor attitude

Non Academic Account

I went to Pustaka Mukmin with Iman. I bought novel – Rindu Andalusia. I am extremely happy to have that book but I am so sad to say that I don’t have time to read that book.

On Saturday, I went to Alamanda with Ummu Salamah. Nothing happen there but I am thinking a lot about people. What is their purpose in life actually?

Last but no least, I went to help Dr Rafizi and Dr Shuhaila.

I felt that I want to become Doraemon and can stop time but I know that I can’t.

Allah had already said in the Quran:

I swear by the time, Most surely man is in loss, Except those who believe and do good, and enjoin on each other truth, and enjoin on each other patience. (Surah AlAsr)

S - love reading novel, hope to become writer in future
W – Tired, not fit
O - Improve this week
T - Becoming the lose one

Surgery ~ Reflective Diary - Week 4

Academic Account

Alhamdulillah, Dr Ahmed gave me chance to scrub. I am nervous at that time and pray to Allah. But I am happy each time I prayed to him. Sometimes I am more sad if I am not praying to Him as I forgot him whenever He already gave me confidence. I should not be proud with my knowledge as everything was from Him.

I attend Dr Shuhaila class on ECG. It was great. I missed Internal Medicine because I have being spoon-fed during that posting.

I think surgery is more harder than internal medicine. It needs a lot of practice. The clinical examination on hernia, breast and lot more was added. One more month to go. I missed my home terribly…

S – I have a great lecturer that gives me chance to scrub so that I gain confidence

W - Love being spoon-fed

O – Practice clinical examination more in Putrajaya

T – One more months to go…hopefully I am not playing anymore and stay focus..

Non Academic Account

I am so stress to look at the house at Putrajaya after went back from Terendak. It was so dirty. I complained to my mom, but she said that I can gain rewards from Allah by cleaning the house. Hmm….

I am targeting to read one novel – Rindu Andalusia. It was so sad to look back at the history. The lyric of the song Beyond the Norm describe best my feeling…



S – Good mom that always remind me when I am stress

W - Easily stress with the condition of the house

O - I must tried hard in studies so that I can bring back Islam

T - Laziness..

Surgery ~ Reflective Diary - Week 3

Academic Account

I still failed to insert brannula. There are still so many things that I don’t know. I have a problem in this posting in terms of reading. I am tired and failed to read most of the times.

I read doctor’s blog. The ward round for houseman is about 9 times a day. I am afraid to face my future life. May Allah give me strength to face all the difficulties.

I stayed in the hospital on Sunday as I am in Malacca and not going anywhere else. I can’t read in my room as it is a suitable place to fall asleep. If I am bored, I went to ED. The nurses and MA complained to me about doctor. I saw them being scolded by patient as the doctor still not around after 4 hours of waiting. The MA introduced me as a doctor to make the patient calm and said that they need to wait for their ‘boss’ to come. I just was being a good listener there. I don’t even know what I need to do.

I agree with Dr Rafizi that medicine is too much. The more I learn about medicine, I felt that I am more stupid.

S- I still have motivation to study

W- Felt so stupid

O – Study more

T - Give up in the journey

Non Academic Account

I went to my matriculation reunion in Saturday. They organized it in Bukit Sumpai. I am happy to meet my friends. But I am also sad to met one of my best friend as she had SLE. 1 month ago when I met her, she was still thin. But when I met her now, she looks like a patient that has a Cushing’s Disease. The doctor will do renal biopsy on her.

So life is a test. No doubt. A test in the good and the bad. Are we thankful? Are we patient? This life is short. And the next life is eternal. Simple words to write and read. But how simple is it for the heart to understand? Allah (swt) states in Surah Al-Ankabut in the first verse...."Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, "We believe", and that they will not be tested?" Masha'Allah this topic is big and important. So many points to touch on - life's tribulations, patience, this life versus the next, trust in Allah, sacrifice.

These topics run throughout the Quran. One example that is coming to mind is the Story of Ibrahim (AS) when he was asked to sacrifice his son. That was a trial, which needed patience and trust, which needed Ibrahim to be aware of his Lord and the next life (Taqwah), a trial which needed him to be full of Iman and ready for a trial which hit him. And he passed and Allah blessed him with another son and grandsons and then nations. Alhamdullillah. Look at the verse in Surah Al-Talaq "in action"..."and whoever is careful of (his duty to) Allah, He will make for him an outlet". Ibrahim was given an outlet and was rewarded greatly. There is so much to write here...so many examples from the past and present show that whoever is patient in Allah's trials and whoever is grateful when times are good...they will be the ones who will succeed.

So do I have the Iman to pass life's test? I need to reflects on that..

S - I have many good friends that reminds me of Allah most of the times

W – Easily sad

O – Pray for my friend, may Allah give her strength

T- Focusing in my daily activity in duniya and forgot akhirat.

Surgery ~ Reflective Diary - Week 2

Academic Account

Alhamdulillah, this is our first week ini Terendak. It is good to make sure all of us list down the patients in the ward and it cases. It will be easy for all of us to read about them and I must always bear in mind, Dr Ahmed Awil and Dr Yusra will ask person in charge of that patient about the case deeply. I must make sure that I study the case as much as I can and exchange it with all my friends.

I learn a lot of things in the clinic. It is little bit challenging to find the patient as they tend to hide sometimes. I know that not everyone like all these young future doctors. I must always remember that as I myself hate my life in hospital if I need to go there as a patient.

Previously I thought that surgeon is good only in anatomy but then I am wrong. They’re just so excellence in everything. Masya Allah, they’re so great. I have SMS (Short Memory Syndrome) and I felt so jealous with every single person that has such a good memory.

One of my weaknesses that I discover is that I don’t know how to read medical book. If I read about abscess, I don’t know that it is so important to understand the definition of abscess until Dr Ahmed address it. I will not address ‘capsular and vascular invasion’ if I myself read a book. The best way to study for me is by watching all the medical video. I am just wondering if there is any audio medical ebook like audio e-novel as I am an auditory learner..Huhu..

S – Thousand of videos in the net that helps me in my studying as I am an auditory learner

W – Don’t know the right ways to read medical books. Don’t know which one that needs to be highlighted.

O - Use internet to find medical videos

T - Tends to do other things while surfing for medical videos

Non Academic Account

I went back to Johor. I just love my home. Baiti Jannati. I love my family so much. I felt so motivated after I met them. They love me unconditionally. No one can give such love except them. Alhamdulillah, Allah is so great to put love inside their heart.

If Allah allows me I had flied to the sky to bring the stars as gift for them, but He the Almighty says the stars is for the lamps that adorn the sky and the missiles to drive away the Syaithan… Therefore I let them there as the adornment of sky so that they can keep seeing its beauty.


I want them to know, for me they are like the stars in my life that always lighten my sky; they adorn my life with so many beautiful things…

They always motivating me in every single thing that I do. They inspire me to write. I really hope that I can become a writer one day.

Afeera, surgery had not finished yet..Please study!

S – Good family that inspire me

W - Love to go back home and doesn’t like staying in the hostel

O - I am going to elective in Johor. So I am gonna to have 2 months holiday in Johor.

T - Afraid if the love fade after marriage or when I become successful. Nauzubillah..

Surgery ~ Reflective Diary – Week 1

Academic Account

The most memorable thing that I observed in this week was the post mortem of 11 year old boy during my oncall. Miss Teoh invited us to follow her. It was really traumatic experience for me. I am not afraid but I just cannot imagine if that thing happen to me or if it happen to someone that close to myself. I cried and cried behind the mask. I don’t know how I am going to become a doctor with this crying habit.

Surgery was little bit harder for me as I am weak in anatomy. But I am more motivated to study in my clinical years. I am not enjoying my pre-clinical years as I am thinking a lot of my disease. Sometimes I am still afraid when I went to ward and look at all the blood and the surgery scar. I remembered my experience underwent surgery before. I am afraidddd…….

Allah gave me that experience so that I can understand my patient and all the pain. Afeera, be motivated!

S – more motivated in clinical years
W - crying habit
O - be more stronger by looking at the strength that Allah gave to every patient that I met in the ward
T - traumatic about post mortem

Non Academic Account

I am happy to go back to Kampung Parit Lapis Bangas. I spent 3 days and 2 nights there. This is my third visit. It was worth it going there after all. The mak, ayah and family angkat were super nice.We were treated as if we are their own sons and daughters. The food? Owh its super duper good.One of our main activities were eating and eating.We had like 7 dinners everyday.

Just like in previous medical check-up activity, our Prof Latiff would surely do some clinical teachings there whenever there is an interesting sign and symptoms discovered among the patients during the event.This time, I managed to see things such as chronic tophaceous gout, Marcus-Gun eye sign, Pterygium eye ,Podagra,Heberden's node as well as Bouchard's nodes of Osteoarthritis,symptomatic viral hepatitis,classical chronic uraemia signs and symptoms etc.

One thing that made me sad when I go there is when I look that the villagers are so interested and dying for Academy Fantasia. I hate Akademi Fantasia so much and I felt that watching at animal in National Geographic Channel is more benefit for me.

Sometimes I am just so sad to look at the ummah. They just forgot their purpose in life. My responsibilities are soooooooo bigggg……Afeera, wake up!

S - good family angkat
W - forgot about my responsibilities to study very hard
O - do dakwah
T - eating so much, gaining more weight and sick

Week 8 Internal Medicine

Academic Account

I will be having exam this week. I got Dr Rafizi as my examiner. During my pre-clinical years, I am always afraid about facing failure. But Allah teaches me about Muqaddimah Fi Zilalil Quran from one of my murabbi. Now I am not afraid about failure anymore. I study because of Allah and not because of exam. I am not afraid and I am not stress anymore. I face my life with motivation. If Allah wants goodness for someone, He will open up the person heart to understand the deen. Alhamdulillah..

S – Not afraid about failure
W - Nervousness
O – Failure makes you a better person
T – Busy in my daily life and forgot about deen

Week 7 Internal Medicine

Academic Account

My mom always said to me that, “If you can see what happens in the future, then you will see that Allah has planned a beautiful thing for you today”. I always believe in that. It was so sad when I look at one houseman when she doesn’t even know about IVDU or SI. She doesn’t know about obstructive jaundice. I felt so pity for her. Long time ago, I really want to go to Mesir. I really want to pursue my Arabic studies. But my father doesn’t allow me to go. It is not about my parent’s plan, but it is definitely Allah’s plan. Allah put me in CUCMS. Alhamdulillah. I felt so relieved that I have been trained here. I am not an excellence student. I just cannot imagine if I was that houseman. Definitely I will be stress. Masya Allah, Allah has put me in the best place ever. Dr Shuhaila teaches us every Saturday from 8 am until 2 pm. Dr Rafizi will organize a class even at night. Can I find any better place than this?

I am an auditory learner. Extensive teaching day and night is better for me. Repetition is always good for me. I love internal medicine because the class is so intensive and interesting.

S – Being in CUCMS
W – Auditory learner – depend on teaching
O – More classes
T – Hate to read medical book

Non Academic Account

Next week is an examination week. I am sick. I had nausea, vomiting and diarrhea.

Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, "We believe", and that they will not be tested? We did test those before them, and Allah will certainly know those who are true from those who are false. (29:2-3)

Allah used the word ‘laqad’ in the verse. It shows definitely that Allah will test someone.

When will the times come and I said to Allah – Ya Allah, test me again and again. I will show you that I will succeed in the test…

S – Being tested
W – Fail in the test
O – Ask Allah for strength
T – fail in seeking mardhatillah

Week 6 Internal Medicine

Academic Account

I am afraid about my clinical skill. I am improving in term of knowledge but I am still lack in physical examination.

I felt so bored this week. I know it is because of my heart (qalbun). Qalbun comes from Arabic words taqallub. Taqallub means keep on changing. I know I was little bit down now. I really need a booster. I think that there should be a continuation of study circle even in Hospital Putrajaya.

S – My brain
W - Laziness
O - Practicing on patient
T – Not balance

Non Academic Account

I met one patient. She had acute myocardial infarct. Masya Allah, she was very nice. She gives me motivation. She allowed me to examine her and she told me about her life. She cried when she gives me advice. And of course, I cried too. There are so many people that come to see her. She reminds me about someone that I love. The person died after solat and after serving his husband.

I am thinking more about death by being in the ward.

S – Meet a good people
W – afraid about death
O – Do better thing
T – Afraid…

Week 5 Internal Medicine

Academic Account

We come back to Putrajaya back. In the first week, Prof Latif seems to be very strict. I know that it was for our goodness.

Here there are another 2 more lecturers. They are Dr Shuhaila and Dr Rafizi. They will do class for us anytime. They seem to be so excited to seek for Mardhatillah. They do a good deed like they have been seeing Jannah. Masya Allah. They are so kind. I love to listen about their experience.

S – Great lecturer
W - Laziness
O – Goes for class and seek knowledge
T – Not motivated

Non Academic Account

I missed my home terribly. Huhu.. I really need to meet my parent and my sibling so that I become motivated.

Afeera, please remember…Ibnu Abas used to sleep in front of the doors of other companions because he want to write their wisdoms…

At Tabari asked the letter to write the “do’a and the hadist” from a scholar that visited him while he was sick even if he was nearly to death….

I should be more motivated to study afterall..

S – Story about the scholars
W – Not motivated
O – Try to find something new
T - Not finishing my work

Week 4 Internal Medicine

Academic Account

This will be the last week in Terendak. I will missed the teaching here. I like Dr Azmi and Dr Rosman class as well. I enjoyed the ward round here where medical student like us involved in it as well.

I have been cheated by my patient. Maybe it is because my face looks like a Parkinson patient that has the stupor face. I remember what my father said, “Whenever you met people, it is Allah’s way so that you will be learn more about ‘insan’”.

S – Excellent ward round
W – Stupor face
O – Be rational
T – Being fooled

Non Academic Account

There is a story in Islam about one guy. He always prayed on times in the mosque. People said good things about home. One day he came late. At that time he wanted to go back so that people will not said bad thing about him. He realized one thing at that moment. He has been doing things not for Allah but for the sake of human. He realized his mistakes at that time.

I always remembered this story. Many things had happen in my life that made me reflecting about my intention.

S - Allah reminds me about my mistake
W – Doing something for the sake of others
O – Renew my intention
T - Syaitan

Week 3 Internal Medicine

Academic Account

I enjoyed Prof Rashid class. Alhamdulillah he was nice and I keep on trying in his class. It is good when someone gave the chance to us to try even though the answer is wrong. I think that I became more confident in his class. I still remembered about Professional Exam where I just blurred in his station. Alhamdulillah, internal medicine has been great.

Sometimes I am just wondering. What is the reason that Allah makes all my lecturers such a genius person?

I know that I have done a lot of mistakes to my lecturers. The scholar in long time ago will open their book quietly so that they don’t disturb their teachers. Me? Huhu..


S – Have a great lecturer
W – the mistakes that I have done to my lecturer
O – ask for forgiveness
T - I’m afraid if I don’t have blessing

Non Academic Account

I met my sisters in Islam in Malacca Matriculation College. I felt so touched to look at them. They have a spirit to bring back Islam. Ukhwah was something that can’t be described in words.

Eventhough I had left matric for a long time, the seed that we planted shows the result. Masya Allah, I cried.

I don’t have motivation to study if I am not with islam. Ukhwah, dakwah and tarbiah is the biggest motivation in my life.

S - Ukhwah
W - slow in dakwah
O – Usrah
T – Istiqamah – how long?

Week 2 Internal Medicine

Academic Account

I love to be in Terendak even though I need to pay RM440 for the rent of the month. It is the place where my life started. It is the place where I change from wanted to become a writer and chose medicine. It is the place where I met Prof Latif and he ‘brainwash’ me on medicine. I still remember one thing that has been told by my naqibah about Prof Latiff. “There are only two types of person that you can be jealous to. The first one is the one that have the knowledge and he teaches others. The second one is the one that have wealth and he used it for Islam. You can see both of the qualities in Prof Latiff”. I myself believes that he was such a genius person but still down to the earth. If one day he left this world, it will be such a great lost for the ummah. I should be more motivated to study after all.


S – Great lecturer
W – Forgetful
O – Repetition, always do a revision
T - Focus on medicine and losing other capabilities

Non Academic Account

Malacca is the place that changes my life totally. I know about tarbiah here. Even though my family understands Islam, but I am rebelling before. I hate all the books in my fathers rack. I love to read on Ahadiat Akashah and all the nonsense novel before. I hate each time my father said about usrah or any religious program. I am not obedient to my parent before. Certain people thought that I am not talking to guys because of Islam. But it is not true. I have a ‘mental’ problem long times ago where I don’t even shake my father’s hand.

This is the place where I change totally. This is the place where I started to know the meaning of ukhwah. I hate making friends before. But this is the place where I started to smile. This is the place where I understand about Islam. This is the place where I started to appreciate my parent. I understand a lot of things here. That’s why this place has such a great place in my heart. Islam has one quality that is “inqilabiyyah’. Islam will change someone. I believe in that.

S - Islam
W - My sin
O - Repentance
T – Keep doing the same mistake

Week 1 Internal Medicine

Academic Account

I felt so relieved that Public Health posting already end. It was really the most stressful posting. I felt that my mind and physical was tortured during that posting. I felt that I was in the peak of my life at that time. It was such a big relief that public health posting already ended.

I felt excited to study in Internal Medicine. I know it was the gist among all the posting. I enjoyed studying in this posting. I am happy being in hospital and meet patient. I hate my life in public health posting when I need to sit in front of computer almost all the time to finish my report. I want to meet people and learn more about their disease and life.

Sometimes I felt that I can’t become a doctor. I easily cried. I cried in front of one patient this week. The patient has myelofibrosis.

S - Love to meet people
W - Easily cried
O – Tried to become strong
T – Being unethical doctor

Non Academic Account

I am just recovering from one test in my life. Alhamdulillah, Allah gave me such a great family that understand and help me in my life. Allah teaches me a lot of thing from what have already happen.

Allah knows what is best for me. So why should I complain? I always want the sunshine, but he knows there must be rain. I always want laughter, but I know that my heart will then loose its tenderness if I never shed a tear. Allah tests me often with suffering and with sorrow. He tests me not to punish myself, but to help me meet tomorrow.

Growing trees are strengthened, if they can withstand the storm. And the sharpness of the chisel gave marble of its grace and form.

Allah tests me often. And for every pain He gives me is followed by rich grain, provided if I am patient. So whenever I feel that everything is going wrong, it is Allah’s way to make my spirits strong.

I should remember one thing...

“On no soul do we place a burden greater than it can bear”... (23:56)

S – Great family
W – Keep on complaining
O – Face another test with an open heart
T – Failed in the next test

Forgiving...

I still want to share about what had happen yesterday. It was such a great day for me. I am not good public speaker but I take a challenge to give a talk on health yesterday in front of big crowd. I already take my first baby step. No doubt it is a small step to a long journey but I felt great about it.

I always felt nervous when I need to do something but not yesterday. I practiced visualization that has been teaches by Prof Dr M when I attend her motivational talk.

For example, if you’re afraid about exam, just visualize in your mind everyday that you will sit in the exam hall, you will answer all of it correctly and you will left the hall happily. Always visualize it and you will encounter whatever things that happen in your life accordingly.

I practice it. I visualize that I will give a good talk in front audience, I visualize that I am a good speaker and I visualize all the good things that I will do on that day. Alhamdulillah, I manage to go through it.

I always believe that I am sick before this. But now I never think that I am sick. I believe that I am healthy. Beside that, I always felt that I am fat before this. But by starting to have a good visualization about myself, I manage to lose 4kg.

I always felt that I will never get married before. But now I always visualize everyday that I will married someone that can accept me as I am and will understand me in whatever things I do. I will have 10 cute and beautiful children. I visualize everything. I think visualization is such a good practice as you will face life positively. Beside that, I think visualizing a good thing is like making a prayer to Allah. It makes us to have good perception towards Allah.

Prof Dr M also said one thing that was so important. What should you do to make sure that you get everything that you want in life? You need to forgive others.

There is a great story in Islam about forgiving. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was the most forgiving person. He was ever ready to forgive his enemies. When he went to Ta’if to call the people to Islam, its people mistreated him. They abused him and hit him with stones.

He left the city humiliated and wounded. When he took shelter under a tree, the angel of Allah visited him and told him that Allah sent him to destroy the people of Ta’if because of their sin of mistreating their Prophet. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, prayed to Allah to save the people of Taif, because what they did was out of their ignorance. He said, “O Allah, guide these people, because they did not know what they were doing.”

When he entered the city of Makkah after the victory, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, had in front of him some of his staunchest enemies. Those who fought him for many years, persecuted his followers and killed many of them. Now he had full power to do whatever he wanted to punish them for their crimes. It is reported that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, asked them, “What do you think I shall do to you now?” They pleaded for mercy. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Today I shall say to you what Joseph…” (referring to Prophet Yusuf, peace be upon him, as mentioned in the Qur’an, Yusuf 12:92) “…said to his brothers, ‘No blame on you today. Go, you are all free.” Soon they all came and accepted Islam at his hands. He forgave even Hind who had caused the murder of his uncle Hamza, may Allah be pleased with him. After killing him she had his body mutilated and chewed his liver. When she accepted Islam, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, even forgave her.

"Those who control their anger and are forgiving towards people; Allah loves the good." (Qur'an, 3: 134)

History...

Yesterday has already become history for me. For the first time in my life, I give a health talk in front villagers in such a huge hall. When I was invited to give the speech, one of my friends came and said that Prof want it to be fast. I plan to talk a lot but the time given for me was limited.

I don’t felt regretted for what had happen. Why? Because my other friends already deliver all the things that I want to say during their presentation. The night before, they asked a lot of things and I just give them all the ideas.

“Ummu, what can I say about breastfeeding?” (The topic on breastfeeding was really close to me because I was the one that has been given the task to talk about it during pediatric posting. I was also asked to demonstrate using a model the right way to breastfeed child during obstetric and gynecology posting).

“Ummu, how can I correlate between stress and solat?”

“Ummu, what are the 5 things that Rasulullah asked us to grab? The hadis that said that we must grab something before something? What is the hadis?”

“Ummu, what Islam said about health? What are the verses in the Quran that said about health?”

And whatever I said to them that night, they deliver it during their presentation.

Do you want to know who my friends are? They are the one that has been said as IRRELIGIOUS by one of my lecturer.

When I heard to their presentation yesterday, I felt that I want to cry. Allah teaches me a lot of things yesterday.

I can’t tell much but there was a time in my life that I am giving up with my group. My group was recognized as the worst group among the all the groups in my batch. The dean of clinical wants to meet my group since our first posting because of the problems that we create.

Whenever I gave a tazkirah in front of my colleagues, I always felt that I want to cry. I always wondering, where is the syabab like Mus’ab that will talk and do a lot of things about Islam? I am always wondering about my male colleagues.

I and one of my usrah mates met my lecturer and ask that we want to have a tazkirah (reflection) session every morning. My lecturer agrees with it. I create the timetables. Everyone in the group will have to give reflection. The reflection sessions really benefit everyone and I can see the changes in my friends right now.

When they deliver their speech in front of the villagers yesterday, I felt that my colleagues will bring back Islam. I felt that I was like looking at Mus’ab at that moment. I always believe that Islam will become victorious one day.

Allah has put me in the best group ever. There is great ajr (reward) in every difficulty. Sometimes I felt that the journey of dakwah is full of bitterness. But when I look at all these things, I can felt such a great feeling that I myself can’t describe it.

Yesterday is history but it teaches me something. Don't judge people, regardless of what the do or say, look for the good in them and keep your duty to them as a Muslim sister/brother. Love your brethren Fi'sabilillah, and don't worry about the rest. Insha'Allah Allah will take care of it; after all He is The Best of All Judges, The Most Knowing, and The Most High.

Thank you Allah for teaching me such a great lesson yesterday!