Monday, June 15, 2009

Instinct...

One thing that Allah grant me is that i have instinct to know whether someone that i met is good or bad.

Last Friday, i went to one mosque to ask for the Imam there permission to use the mosque as my batch want to have tazkirah session the next day. When i met that Imam, i felt uneasy about him. He don't even lower his gaze and not focusing the matter that i brought.

He keep on asking whether i am from Penang? Mix? Arab? I felt so annoyed with all those question. For me, he should not focusing on me but on the matter of the Ummah. I am not beautiful but i agree with what had been written by Sis Rytha. I still try to be good as i want his help. After that i went to usrah. At 12 midnight, he is messaging me asking whether i already take enough rest or not and continuing message to ask about the program. It was really annoying when a man messaging you at the middle of the night moreover he is someone that you expect to be terribly pious.

Actually after the program, my batch will be having a dinner. I have 2 clothes that suitable for the events but thinking about the Imam, i decided to wear all black. When i met him on Saturday, he was still not lowering his gaze. I felt that i just want to kill him straight away. I tried my best to tolerate until after the program. But the next day, he ask me permission to know me and keep on giving all the nonsense message. I showed my mom all the messages and she said that she want to slap the Imam.

You might want to laugh to read all these, but if you can think deeply, actually it was really sad when you think that you're not safe even at the mosque. It was so embarrassing.

I know that i don't have enough strength to get married. I am terribly busy. I failed to manage my own times. I am running here and there. But sometimes i felt that i want to get married to makes my life free from fitnah. I wan't to do dakwah and no one is disturbing me anymore. But it was terribly difficult to find someone that can accept me as what i am and really understand my love for dakwah is more than anything else in this world.

Once in my life time, i had met the right person but Allah plans the best for us. Allah has plan the best for him. Allah knows best.

I always remember the story in Islam about Ummu Salamah. Her husband died. After his husband death,Umm Salamah remembered the prayer her husband had quoted on his deathbed from the Prophet and began repeating it, "O Lord, with you I leave this my plight for consideration . . ." But she could not bring herself to continue . . . "O Lord give me something good from it", because she kept asking herself, "Who could be better than Abu Salamah?" In her mind, no one else can replace Abu Salamah. Abu Salamah is among the first one that went for hijrah. But it did not take long before she completed the supplication.

Do you want to know what Allah has plan for her? She was then married to Rasulullah SAW. Allah answered the prayer of Umm Salamah and gave her better than Abu Salamah. From that day on she was no longer the mother of Salamah alone but became the mother of all believers, Umm al-Mu'mineen. This story will always touch my heart.

I prayed to Allah to replace what is gone from me with something better. Allah must had plan something better for me even if it is not in dunya, it will be in akhirat.

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