Forgiving...

I still want to share about what had happen yesterday. It was such a great day for me. I am not good public speaker but I take a challenge to give a talk on health yesterday in front of big crowd. I already take my first baby step. No doubt it is a small step to a long journey but I felt great about it.

I always felt nervous when I need to do something but not yesterday. I practiced visualization that has been teaches by Prof Dr M when I attend her motivational talk.

For example, if you’re afraid about exam, just visualize in your mind everyday that you will sit in the exam hall, you will answer all of it correctly and you will left the hall happily. Always visualize it and you will encounter whatever things that happen in your life accordingly.

I practice it. I visualize that I will give a good talk in front audience, I visualize that I am a good speaker and I visualize all the good things that I will do on that day. Alhamdulillah, I manage to go through it.

I always believe that I am sick before this. But now I never think that I am sick. I believe that I am healthy. Beside that, I always felt that I am fat before this. But by starting to have a good visualization about myself, I manage to lose 4kg.

I always felt that I will never get married before. But now I always visualize everyday that I will married someone that can accept me as I am and will understand me in whatever things I do. I will have 10 cute and beautiful children. I visualize everything. I think visualization is such a good practice as you will face life positively. Beside that, I think visualizing a good thing is like making a prayer to Allah. It makes us to have good perception towards Allah.

Prof Dr M also said one thing that was so important. What should you do to make sure that you get everything that you want in life? You need to forgive others.

There is a great story in Islam about forgiving. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was the most forgiving person. He was ever ready to forgive his enemies. When he went to Ta’if to call the people to Islam, its people mistreated him. They abused him and hit him with stones.

He left the city humiliated and wounded. When he took shelter under a tree, the angel of Allah visited him and told him that Allah sent him to destroy the people of Ta’if because of their sin of mistreating their Prophet. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, prayed to Allah to save the people of Taif, because what they did was out of their ignorance. He said, “O Allah, guide these people, because they did not know what they were doing.”

When he entered the city of Makkah after the victory, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, had in front of him some of his staunchest enemies. Those who fought him for many years, persecuted his followers and killed many of them. Now he had full power to do whatever he wanted to punish them for their crimes. It is reported that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, asked them, “What do you think I shall do to you now?” They pleaded for mercy. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Today I shall say to you what Joseph…” (referring to Prophet Yusuf, peace be upon him, as mentioned in the Qur’an, Yusuf 12:92) “…said to his brothers, ‘No blame on you today. Go, you are all free.” Soon they all came and accepted Islam at his hands. He forgave even Hind who had caused the murder of his uncle Hamza, may Allah be pleased with him. After killing him she had his body mutilated and chewed his liver. When she accepted Islam, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, even forgave her.

"Those who control their anger and are forgiving towards people; Allah loves the good." (Qur'an, 3: 134)

History...

Yesterday has already become history for me. For the first time in my life, I give a health talk in front villagers in such a huge hall. When I was invited to give the speech, one of my friends came and said that Prof want it to be fast. I plan to talk a lot but the time given for me was limited.

I don’t felt regretted for what had happen. Why? Because my other friends already deliver all the things that I want to say during their presentation. The night before, they asked a lot of things and I just give them all the ideas.

“Ummu, what can I say about breastfeeding?” (The topic on breastfeeding was really close to me because I was the one that has been given the task to talk about it during pediatric posting. I was also asked to demonstrate using a model the right way to breastfeed child during obstetric and gynecology posting).

“Ummu, how can I correlate between stress and solat?”

“Ummu, what are the 5 things that Rasulullah asked us to grab? The hadis that said that we must grab something before something? What is the hadis?”

“Ummu, what Islam said about health? What are the verses in the Quran that said about health?”

And whatever I said to them that night, they deliver it during their presentation.

Do you want to know who my friends are? They are the one that has been said as IRRELIGIOUS by one of my lecturer.

When I heard to their presentation yesterday, I felt that I want to cry. Allah teaches me a lot of things yesterday.

I can’t tell much but there was a time in my life that I am giving up with my group. My group was recognized as the worst group among the all the groups in my batch. The dean of clinical wants to meet my group since our first posting because of the problems that we create.

Whenever I gave a tazkirah in front of my colleagues, I always felt that I want to cry. I always wondering, where is the syabab like Mus’ab that will talk and do a lot of things about Islam? I am always wondering about my male colleagues.

I and one of my usrah mates met my lecturer and ask that we want to have a tazkirah (reflection) session every morning. My lecturer agrees with it. I create the timetables. Everyone in the group will have to give reflection. The reflection sessions really benefit everyone and I can see the changes in my friends right now.

When they deliver their speech in front of the villagers yesterday, I felt that my colleagues will bring back Islam. I felt that I was like looking at Mus’ab at that moment. I always believe that Islam will become victorious one day.

Allah has put me in the best group ever. There is great ajr (reward) in every difficulty. Sometimes I felt that the journey of dakwah is full of bitterness. But when I look at all these things, I can felt such a great feeling that I myself can’t describe it.

Yesterday is history but it teaches me something. Don't judge people, regardless of what the do or say, look for the good in them and keep your duty to them as a Muslim sister/brother. Love your brethren Fi'sabilillah, and don't worry about the rest. Insha'Allah Allah will take care of it; after all He is The Best of All Judges, The Most Knowing, and The Most High.

Thank you Allah for teaching me such a great lesson yesterday!

Paint...

Sometimes i felt terribly down but Allah is always there for me. I cried most of the time in pain. Today Allah shows me one website. When i discover about the website, i felt that it was such a great blessing from Allah. I started to look my problems from Islamic perspective. I understand right now that my condition is a blessing from Allah. I am facing the same problem that was faced by the Ummahatul Mukminin.

I am trying to give myself another 2 years to improve my health. I plan to work in other country after 6 years if there are no changes. I need a place where i can forget about my condition. I need a place where i can start my new life without any judgement from other peoples. I need a place where i can give my life truly for Islam. I am planning and Allah is the best planner.

We are just the brushes for the Painter to paint His light.

O Allah, don’t put my affairs in my hands even a blink of my eyes.

Best...

I love a time when I am alone and I have no one else with me. At that time, I remember Allah better. I love talking to Allah when I am alone. I love talking to Allah whenever everyone was sleeping. I always want a time that is specially dedicated to Allah.

There was a time when I felt so jealous when I saw my friends doing qiamullail. I know I should’nt have such feeling.But I am always afraid if Allah don’t loves me anymore.

My pain recurs and it getting worse everyday. I am happy for that. I remember Allah better. I am happy when my faith was tested. I am happy when Allah gives me difficulty in life.

I love one prayer that I heard from Anwar Awlaki’s lecture:

O Allah, don’t put my affairs in my hands even a blink of my eyes.

The prayer has such a great meaning for me. When I understand that prayer, I will never ask Allah to cure me, but I am only asking Allah to give me the best thing in life. Pain might be the thing for me right now..

Weaknesses...

My friend wrote one article and it was really a beautiful article. If you could understand Malay, I would prefer you to read that article. The article is about a mountain. When you look at the mountain from far, it was really beautiful. And we you look it closely, there was nothing there. The same thing goes to human. When you look at certain human, you were inspired. But then when you look at him/her closely, you will find a lot of weaknesses in him/her.

The article made me do a reflection about my weaknesses. Allah was the only one who knows about my sins and weaknesses. I felt that the article is a good reflection for all the people that venture the world of dakwah. As I said to Anies that left a comment in my blog, don’t ever judge people by his/her blog. I am not a good person to write about Islam. My weaknesses is more that my strength but the responsibility that I have made me to keep on giving for the sake of the ummah.

I also believe in one thing. Every human should accept others weaknesses. It is really an important concept. You cannot live in this world if you can’t accept others weaknesses. You can’t work if you expect others to be a perfect human. You can’t tolerate to your partner if you can’t accept his/her weaknesses.

But that should not be a reason for always doing a mistake. One should always try to improve their selves. I hope that the journey of tarbiah made me a better person.

Week 7 Pediatric Posting...

Academic Account

This week was a laughing week for me. I shouldn’t laugh a lot. Since small I had a problem to control my emotion. Sometimes I am so sad. Sometimes I am terribly happy. I can’t describe about myself.

My english was terrible. Dr. Norra also laughs whenever I pronounce English word wrongly. Café au lait spot become café au lait sput. Babbling become bubbling. Pink become pinks. Everything becomes haywire. I knew few languages but the most terrible one was English even though I already learn it since I was in standard 1. I hate English. I agree that English is a crazy language.

I should improve my English for the sake of the ummah.

S- Knew few languages
W – English was terrible
O – Speaks and read more
T – Bring the ummah down

Non Academic Account

I already said that I should not laugh terribly. I went for Dr Hafidzi’s lecture regarding Palestin. He told about Salahuddin Al Ayyubi. Salahuddin will only eat one type of food. He doesn’t like to smile very much. Whenever people ask him, he said that – how can I smile when Palestin was under the crusades?

I am sad about Ramadhan. I am not thinking much about my brothers and sisters who was terribly tortured in other country. Taqwa seem was far away from me. I am saddd….

S- Good role model – Salahuddin Al Ayyubi
W – My Ramadhan seem terrible
O - Pray for my brothers and sisters
T – How I am going to stand in front Allah when I just left my brother and sisters that was tortured terribly?

Week 6 Pediatric Posting...

Academic Account

I don’t really had idea to write. Everything was moving smoothly. I had already been in pediatric posting for 6 weeks. I think that I will miss pediatric posting. I enjoyed following ward round but I am little bit tired.

I believe that everything that happens in my life is a blessing. Allah put me in that situation must be for reason. Allah must want me to learn and respect more about my life…. perhaps Allah wants to test my patience… Allah wants to remind me… or perhaps that calamity for pay owe because of some particular sins that I did... My life belongs to Allah...

S – Enjoy ward round
W – Not feeling well and tired easily
O – Final Exam
T – Tiredness

Non Academic Account

I enjoyed Ramadhan. I always felt that Ramadhan runs very quickly and left me. I am sad that I am busy with my workload everyday. But I should not be secular to think that the work that I do is not an ibadah.

I hope that I can meet LaitulQadr. I am hoping for maghfirah in this month.

Ramadhan is actually a time of increased activity wherein the believer, now lightened of the burdens of constant eating and drinking, should be more willing to strive and struggle for Allah. The Prophet, sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam, passed through approximately nine Ramadans after the Hijrah. They were filled with decisive events and left us a shining example of sacrifice and submission to Allah.

S – Ramadhan
W- Busyness
O – 10 last day of Ramadhan
T – Don’t get anything from this months.

Pledge
I should strive and struggle for Allah.