Surgery ~ Reflective Diary - Week 7

Academic Account

What a short week..!! What a busy week..!! I need to finish my long case presentation within this week. Luckily I already have enough patients for my long cases; it is just that I didn’t have enough time to write a proper long case. Alhamdulillah, lastly I managed to finished it. This week I spent my time in the clinic. It was a great learning experience. I did a lot of wound dressing at the clinic. I didn’t have the opportunity to do that in Terendak but Alhamdulillah I got the chance to learn how to do it properly and at the same time perform it. The staff nurses were so kind and helpful. We thanked them because they put 100% trust in us. Even the patients were so cooperative to allow us to do the wound dressing even though they know that we are only the medical students.

But I am so sad with myself. I am easily tired. I manage to draw blood but I failed to insert brannula. Maybe my friends are right. They said that I am a gangster. I am not good in skill. So sad that I can’t complete my log book. Nevermind,I will be doing emergency medicine for my elective and I can practice more. Insya Allah, i will become a good doctor.

S – Still manage to complete work eventhough I am terribly tired
W – Gangster, I am not good with skill.
O - Practice more during elective
T - My log book was not completed and there is high risk that I am going to get scolded.

Non Academic Account

I spend my weekend studying. I am not motivated actually but still trying to do the best. I am afraid with physical examination. Seriously I hate the way exam being conducted. I can’t focus. Afeera, be patient! 1 more week to go then I will enjoy holiday perhaps if I am not fail. Allahu A’lam. Allah knows what the best for me.

Every grain of sand
In every desert land, He knows
Every shade of palm
Every closed hand, He knows
Every sparkling tear
On every eyelash, He knows
Every thought I have
And every word I share, He knows
Allah knows

S- Believe that Allah is always there for me, His rope is strong and will never waver. His provision is there for all who are in need.
W - Easily tired, is should do blood test when I went back to Johor
O – Exam is an opportunity but it can also be threats, but then everything is destined. In His Dominion we exist for as long as He wills. And we call upon His bounty through prayer. And seek His favors through hope. For He is our refuge when difficulty strengthens its hold
T - Failure but then that was the best that Allah has plan for me.

Surgery ~ Reflective Diary - Week 6

Academic Account

Personally, I felt that surgery posting is little bit not well organized like other previous posting. I am so tired of calling the specialist and quarrelling with Randall in this posting.

I felt very tired and got severe headache on Tuesday. I am not studying in this week I am tired but then it doesn’t really benefit me. I can’t concentrate during TBL and Seminar. Then I need to think about the end posting dinner. I need to go to college and meet all the lecturers. It was really tiring.

I am also tired when I need to deal with all small particulars thing. I am still week in terms of presentation. I don’t think that my case presentation really reflect my ability in presenting case if I am a houseman.

S- I don’t think that I have strength anymore. I just cannot wait finishing this posting.
W- Cannot bear difficulty
O- Study during the weekend
T – Fail in end posting exam

Non Academic Account

It’s already a month I don’t met my family. I fell not motivated at all. Another 2 weeks more to go. I just cannot wait to finish this posting.

I went to Nilai this week to release my stress. I walk alone.

Then I do revision using Kaplan USMLE Step 2. It is the most suitable book and way of studying for me.

On Sunday night, I have usrah. It is good to have usrah as I felt that my heart will loose its tenderness if I don’t hear tazkirah for a long time.

S - Use a good book like Kaplan USMLE Step 2 to do revision.

W – Shopping and wasting my time

O- Usrah where I can reflect all the wrong doing that I do throughout the week.

T - Fail in end posting exam.

Surgery ~ Reflective Diary - Week 5

Academic Account

I felt guilty when I came late during grand ward round with Dr Ahmed Ali. I am so tired in this week. On call twice, preparing for seminar as my partner didn’t anything at all, went to usrah on Thurday made me really tired. I wake up early but after Subuh prayer, I fall asleep.

I confess to my naqibah during usrah that I came late. She said it was a sin. I felt so guilty this week. I promised to myself that I don’t want to come late again.

I passed my mid posting exam. I believed that I am improving in terms of academic during clinical years. I still remember my mentor said that I am the worst in the group during my professional exam. I felt that I want to meet him again and prove to him that he was wrong.

I believed that everything has been destined. Allah tested me often with failure during my pre-clinical years when I don’t believe in destiny totally with my heart.

Allah has planned my life to be the best…

S – Allah by my side
W - coming late to hospital
O- improve my attitude in coming week and for the rest of my life
T - patient died as I had poor attitude

Non Academic Account

I went to Pustaka Mukmin with Iman. I bought novel – Rindu Andalusia. I am extremely happy to have that book but I am so sad to say that I don’t have time to read that book.

On Saturday, I went to Alamanda with Ummu Salamah. Nothing happen there but I am thinking a lot about people. What is their purpose in life actually?

Last but no least, I went to help Dr Rafizi and Dr Shuhaila.

I felt that I want to become Doraemon and can stop time but I know that I can’t.

Allah had already said in the Quran:

I swear by the time, Most surely man is in loss, Except those who believe and do good, and enjoin on each other truth, and enjoin on each other patience. (Surah AlAsr)

S - love reading novel, hope to become writer in future
W – Tired, not fit
O - Improve this week
T - Becoming the lose one

Surgery ~ Reflective Diary - Week 4

Academic Account

Alhamdulillah, Dr Ahmed gave me chance to scrub. I am nervous at that time and pray to Allah. But I am happy each time I prayed to him. Sometimes I am more sad if I am not praying to Him as I forgot him whenever He already gave me confidence. I should not be proud with my knowledge as everything was from Him.

I attend Dr Shuhaila class on ECG. It was great. I missed Internal Medicine because I have being spoon-fed during that posting.

I think surgery is more harder than internal medicine. It needs a lot of practice. The clinical examination on hernia, breast and lot more was added. One more month to go. I missed my home terribly…

S – I have a great lecturer that gives me chance to scrub so that I gain confidence

W - Love being spoon-fed

O – Practice clinical examination more in Putrajaya

T – One more months to go…hopefully I am not playing anymore and stay focus..

Non Academic Account

I am so stress to look at the house at Putrajaya after went back from Terendak. It was so dirty. I complained to my mom, but she said that I can gain rewards from Allah by cleaning the house. Hmm….

I am targeting to read one novel – Rindu Andalusia. It was so sad to look back at the history. The lyric of the song Beyond the Norm describe best my feeling…



S – Good mom that always remind me when I am stress

W - Easily stress with the condition of the house

O - I must tried hard in studies so that I can bring back Islam

T - Laziness..

Surgery ~ Reflective Diary - Week 3

Academic Account

I still failed to insert brannula. There are still so many things that I don’t know. I have a problem in this posting in terms of reading. I am tired and failed to read most of the times.

I read doctor’s blog. The ward round for houseman is about 9 times a day. I am afraid to face my future life. May Allah give me strength to face all the difficulties.

I stayed in the hospital on Sunday as I am in Malacca and not going anywhere else. I can’t read in my room as it is a suitable place to fall asleep. If I am bored, I went to ED. The nurses and MA complained to me about doctor. I saw them being scolded by patient as the doctor still not around after 4 hours of waiting. The MA introduced me as a doctor to make the patient calm and said that they need to wait for their ‘boss’ to come. I just was being a good listener there. I don’t even know what I need to do.

I agree with Dr Rafizi that medicine is too much. The more I learn about medicine, I felt that I am more stupid.

S- I still have motivation to study

W- Felt so stupid

O – Study more

T - Give up in the journey

Non Academic Account

I went to my matriculation reunion in Saturday. They organized it in Bukit Sumpai. I am happy to meet my friends. But I am also sad to met one of my best friend as she had SLE. 1 month ago when I met her, she was still thin. But when I met her now, she looks like a patient that has a Cushing’s Disease. The doctor will do renal biopsy on her.

So life is a test. No doubt. A test in the good and the bad. Are we thankful? Are we patient? This life is short. And the next life is eternal. Simple words to write and read. But how simple is it for the heart to understand? Allah (swt) states in Surah Al-Ankabut in the first verse...."Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, "We believe", and that they will not be tested?" Masha'Allah this topic is big and important. So many points to touch on - life's tribulations, patience, this life versus the next, trust in Allah, sacrifice.

These topics run throughout the Quran. One example that is coming to mind is the Story of Ibrahim (AS) when he was asked to sacrifice his son. That was a trial, which needed patience and trust, which needed Ibrahim to be aware of his Lord and the next life (Taqwah), a trial which needed him to be full of Iman and ready for a trial which hit him. And he passed and Allah blessed him with another son and grandsons and then nations. Alhamdullillah. Look at the verse in Surah Al-Talaq "in action"..."and whoever is careful of (his duty to) Allah, He will make for him an outlet". Ibrahim was given an outlet and was rewarded greatly. There is so much to write here...so many examples from the past and present show that whoever is patient in Allah's trials and whoever is grateful when times are good...they will be the ones who will succeed.

So do I have the Iman to pass life's test? I need to reflects on that..

S - I have many good friends that reminds me of Allah most of the times

W – Easily sad

O – Pray for my friend, may Allah give her strength

T- Focusing in my daily activity in duniya and forgot akhirat.

Surgery ~ Reflective Diary - Week 2

Academic Account

Alhamdulillah, this is our first week ini Terendak. It is good to make sure all of us list down the patients in the ward and it cases. It will be easy for all of us to read about them and I must always bear in mind, Dr Ahmed Awil and Dr Yusra will ask person in charge of that patient about the case deeply. I must make sure that I study the case as much as I can and exchange it with all my friends.

I learn a lot of things in the clinic. It is little bit challenging to find the patient as they tend to hide sometimes. I know that not everyone like all these young future doctors. I must always remember that as I myself hate my life in hospital if I need to go there as a patient.

Previously I thought that surgeon is good only in anatomy but then I am wrong. They’re just so excellence in everything. Masya Allah, they’re so great. I have SMS (Short Memory Syndrome) and I felt so jealous with every single person that has such a good memory.

One of my weaknesses that I discover is that I don’t know how to read medical book. If I read about abscess, I don’t know that it is so important to understand the definition of abscess until Dr Ahmed address it. I will not address ‘capsular and vascular invasion’ if I myself read a book. The best way to study for me is by watching all the medical video. I am just wondering if there is any audio medical ebook like audio e-novel as I am an auditory learner..Huhu..

S – Thousand of videos in the net that helps me in my studying as I am an auditory learner

W – Don’t know the right ways to read medical books. Don’t know which one that needs to be highlighted.

O - Use internet to find medical videos

T - Tends to do other things while surfing for medical videos

Non Academic Account

I went back to Johor. I just love my home. Baiti Jannati. I love my family so much. I felt so motivated after I met them. They love me unconditionally. No one can give such love except them. Alhamdulillah, Allah is so great to put love inside their heart.

If Allah allows me I had flied to the sky to bring the stars as gift for them, but He the Almighty says the stars is for the lamps that adorn the sky and the missiles to drive away the Syaithan… Therefore I let them there as the adornment of sky so that they can keep seeing its beauty.


I want them to know, for me they are like the stars in my life that always lighten my sky; they adorn my life with so many beautiful things…

They always motivating me in every single thing that I do. They inspire me to write. I really hope that I can become a writer one day.

Afeera, surgery had not finished yet..Please study!

S – Good family that inspire me

W - Love to go back home and doesn’t like staying in the hostel

O - I am going to elective in Johor. So I am gonna to have 2 months holiday in Johor.

T - Afraid if the love fade after marriage or when I become successful. Nauzubillah..

Surgery ~ Reflective Diary – Week 1

Academic Account

The most memorable thing that I observed in this week was the post mortem of 11 year old boy during my oncall. Miss Teoh invited us to follow her. It was really traumatic experience for me. I am not afraid but I just cannot imagine if that thing happen to me or if it happen to someone that close to myself. I cried and cried behind the mask. I don’t know how I am going to become a doctor with this crying habit.

Surgery was little bit harder for me as I am weak in anatomy. But I am more motivated to study in my clinical years. I am not enjoying my pre-clinical years as I am thinking a lot of my disease. Sometimes I am still afraid when I went to ward and look at all the blood and the surgery scar. I remembered my experience underwent surgery before. I am afraidddd…….

Allah gave me that experience so that I can understand my patient and all the pain. Afeera, be motivated!

S – more motivated in clinical years
W - crying habit
O - be more stronger by looking at the strength that Allah gave to every patient that I met in the ward
T - traumatic about post mortem

Non Academic Account

I am happy to go back to Kampung Parit Lapis Bangas. I spent 3 days and 2 nights there. This is my third visit. It was worth it going there after all. The mak, ayah and family angkat were super nice.We were treated as if we are their own sons and daughters. The food? Owh its super duper good.One of our main activities were eating and eating.We had like 7 dinners everyday.

Just like in previous medical check-up activity, our Prof Latiff would surely do some clinical teachings there whenever there is an interesting sign and symptoms discovered among the patients during the event.This time, I managed to see things such as chronic tophaceous gout, Marcus-Gun eye sign, Pterygium eye ,Podagra,Heberden's node as well as Bouchard's nodes of Osteoarthritis,symptomatic viral hepatitis,classical chronic uraemia signs and symptoms etc.

One thing that made me sad when I go there is when I look that the villagers are so interested and dying for Academy Fantasia. I hate Akademi Fantasia so much and I felt that watching at animal in National Geographic Channel is more benefit for me.

Sometimes I am just so sad to look at the ummah. They just forgot their purpose in life. My responsibilities are soooooooo bigggg……Afeera, wake up!

S - good family angkat
W - forgot about my responsibilities to study very hard
O - do dakwah
T - eating so much, gaining more weight and sick