Week 3 Internal Medicine

Academic Account

I enjoyed Prof Rashid class. Alhamdulillah he was nice and I keep on trying in his class. It is good when someone gave the chance to us to try even though the answer is wrong. I think that I became more confident in his class. I still remembered about Professional Exam where I just blurred in his station. Alhamdulillah, internal medicine has been great.

Sometimes I am just wondering. What is the reason that Allah makes all my lecturers such a genius person?

I know that I have done a lot of mistakes to my lecturers. The scholar in long time ago will open their book quietly so that they don’t disturb their teachers. Me? Huhu..


S – Have a great lecturer
W – the mistakes that I have done to my lecturer
O – ask for forgiveness
T - I’m afraid if I don’t have blessing

Non Academic Account

I met my sisters in Islam in Malacca Matriculation College. I felt so touched to look at them. They have a spirit to bring back Islam. Ukhwah was something that can’t be described in words.

Eventhough I had left matric for a long time, the seed that we planted shows the result. Masya Allah, I cried.

I don’t have motivation to study if I am not with islam. Ukhwah, dakwah and tarbiah is the biggest motivation in my life.

S - Ukhwah
W - slow in dakwah
O – Usrah
T – Istiqamah – how long?

Week 2 Internal Medicine

Academic Account

I love to be in Terendak even though I need to pay RM440 for the rent of the month. It is the place where my life started. It is the place where I change from wanted to become a writer and chose medicine. It is the place where I met Prof Latif and he ‘brainwash’ me on medicine. I still remember one thing that has been told by my naqibah about Prof Latiff. “There are only two types of person that you can be jealous to. The first one is the one that have the knowledge and he teaches others. The second one is the one that have wealth and he used it for Islam. You can see both of the qualities in Prof Latiff”. I myself believes that he was such a genius person but still down to the earth. If one day he left this world, it will be such a great lost for the ummah. I should be more motivated to study after all.


S – Great lecturer
W – Forgetful
O – Repetition, always do a revision
T - Focus on medicine and losing other capabilities

Non Academic Account

Malacca is the place that changes my life totally. I know about tarbiah here. Even though my family understands Islam, but I am rebelling before. I hate all the books in my fathers rack. I love to read on Ahadiat Akashah and all the nonsense novel before. I hate each time my father said about usrah or any religious program. I am not obedient to my parent before. Certain people thought that I am not talking to guys because of Islam. But it is not true. I have a ‘mental’ problem long times ago where I don’t even shake my father’s hand.

This is the place where I change totally. This is the place where I started to know the meaning of ukhwah. I hate making friends before. But this is the place where I started to smile. This is the place where I understand about Islam. This is the place where I started to appreciate my parent. I understand a lot of things here. That’s why this place has such a great place in my heart. Islam has one quality that is “inqilabiyyah’. Islam will change someone. I believe in that.

S - Islam
W - My sin
O - Repentance
T – Keep doing the same mistake

Week 1 Internal Medicine

Academic Account

I felt so relieved that Public Health posting already end. It was really the most stressful posting. I felt that my mind and physical was tortured during that posting. I felt that I was in the peak of my life at that time. It was such a big relief that public health posting already ended.

I felt excited to study in Internal Medicine. I know it was the gist among all the posting. I enjoyed studying in this posting. I am happy being in hospital and meet patient. I hate my life in public health posting when I need to sit in front of computer almost all the time to finish my report. I want to meet people and learn more about their disease and life.

Sometimes I felt that I can’t become a doctor. I easily cried. I cried in front of one patient this week. The patient has myelofibrosis.

S - Love to meet people
W - Easily cried
O – Tried to become strong
T – Being unethical doctor

Non Academic Account

I am just recovering from one test in my life. Alhamdulillah, Allah gave me such a great family that understand and help me in my life. Allah teaches me a lot of thing from what have already happen.

Allah knows what is best for me. So why should I complain? I always want the sunshine, but he knows there must be rain. I always want laughter, but I know that my heart will then loose its tenderness if I never shed a tear. Allah tests me often with suffering and with sorrow. He tests me not to punish myself, but to help me meet tomorrow.

Growing trees are strengthened, if they can withstand the storm. And the sharpness of the chisel gave marble of its grace and form.

Allah tests me often. And for every pain He gives me is followed by rich grain, provided if I am patient. So whenever I feel that everything is going wrong, it is Allah’s way to make my spirits strong.

I should remember one thing...

“On no soul do we place a burden greater than it can bear”... (23:56)

S – Great family
W – Keep on complaining
O – Face another test with an open heart
T – Failed in the next test

Forgiving...

I still want to share about what had happen yesterday. It was such a great day for me. I am not good public speaker but I take a challenge to give a talk on health yesterday in front of big crowd. I already take my first baby step. No doubt it is a small step to a long journey but I felt great about it.

I always felt nervous when I need to do something but not yesterday. I practiced visualization that has been teaches by Prof Dr M when I attend her motivational talk.

For example, if you’re afraid about exam, just visualize in your mind everyday that you will sit in the exam hall, you will answer all of it correctly and you will left the hall happily. Always visualize it and you will encounter whatever things that happen in your life accordingly.

I practice it. I visualize that I will give a good talk in front audience, I visualize that I am a good speaker and I visualize all the good things that I will do on that day. Alhamdulillah, I manage to go through it.

I always believe that I am sick before this. But now I never think that I am sick. I believe that I am healthy. Beside that, I always felt that I am fat before this. But by starting to have a good visualization about myself, I manage to lose 4kg.

I always felt that I will never get married before. But now I always visualize everyday that I will married someone that can accept me as I am and will understand me in whatever things I do. I will have 10 cute and beautiful children. I visualize everything. I think visualization is such a good practice as you will face life positively. Beside that, I think visualizing a good thing is like making a prayer to Allah. It makes us to have good perception towards Allah.

Prof Dr M also said one thing that was so important. What should you do to make sure that you get everything that you want in life? You need to forgive others.

There is a great story in Islam about forgiving. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was the most forgiving person. He was ever ready to forgive his enemies. When he went to Ta’if to call the people to Islam, its people mistreated him. They abused him and hit him with stones.

He left the city humiliated and wounded. When he took shelter under a tree, the angel of Allah visited him and told him that Allah sent him to destroy the people of Ta’if because of their sin of mistreating their Prophet. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, prayed to Allah to save the people of Taif, because what they did was out of their ignorance. He said, “O Allah, guide these people, because they did not know what they were doing.”

When he entered the city of Makkah after the victory, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, had in front of him some of his staunchest enemies. Those who fought him for many years, persecuted his followers and killed many of them. Now he had full power to do whatever he wanted to punish them for their crimes. It is reported that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, asked them, “What do you think I shall do to you now?” They pleaded for mercy. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Today I shall say to you what Joseph…” (referring to Prophet Yusuf, peace be upon him, as mentioned in the Qur’an, Yusuf 12:92) “…said to his brothers, ‘No blame on you today. Go, you are all free.” Soon they all came and accepted Islam at his hands. He forgave even Hind who had caused the murder of his uncle Hamza, may Allah be pleased with him. After killing him she had his body mutilated and chewed his liver. When she accepted Islam, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, even forgave her.

"Those who control their anger and are forgiving towards people; Allah loves the good." (Qur'an, 3: 134)

History...

Yesterday has already become history for me. For the first time in my life, I give a health talk in front villagers in such a huge hall. When I was invited to give the speech, one of my friends came and said that Prof want it to be fast. I plan to talk a lot but the time given for me was limited.

I don’t felt regretted for what had happen. Why? Because my other friends already deliver all the things that I want to say during their presentation. The night before, they asked a lot of things and I just give them all the ideas.

“Ummu, what can I say about breastfeeding?” (The topic on breastfeeding was really close to me because I was the one that has been given the task to talk about it during pediatric posting. I was also asked to demonstrate using a model the right way to breastfeed child during obstetric and gynecology posting).

“Ummu, how can I correlate between stress and solat?”

“Ummu, what are the 5 things that Rasulullah asked us to grab? The hadis that said that we must grab something before something? What is the hadis?”

“Ummu, what Islam said about health? What are the verses in the Quran that said about health?”

And whatever I said to them that night, they deliver it during their presentation.

Do you want to know who my friends are? They are the one that has been said as IRRELIGIOUS by one of my lecturer.

When I heard to their presentation yesterday, I felt that I want to cry. Allah teaches me a lot of things yesterday.

I can’t tell much but there was a time in my life that I am giving up with my group. My group was recognized as the worst group among the all the groups in my batch. The dean of clinical wants to meet my group since our first posting because of the problems that we create.

Whenever I gave a tazkirah in front of my colleagues, I always felt that I want to cry. I always wondering, where is the syabab like Mus’ab that will talk and do a lot of things about Islam? I am always wondering about my male colleagues.

I and one of my usrah mates met my lecturer and ask that we want to have a tazkirah (reflection) session every morning. My lecturer agrees with it. I create the timetables. Everyone in the group will have to give reflection. The reflection sessions really benefit everyone and I can see the changes in my friends right now.

When they deliver their speech in front of the villagers yesterday, I felt that my colleagues will bring back Islam. I felt that I was like looking at Mus’ab at that moment. I always believe that Islam will become victorious one day.

Allah has put me in the best group ever. There is great ajr (reward) in every difficulty. Sometimes I felt that the journey of dakwah is full of bitterness. But when I look at all these things, I can felt such a great feeling that I myself can’t describe it.

Yesterday is history but it teaches me something. Don't judge people, regardless of what the do or say, look for the good in them and keep your duty to them as a Muslim sister/brother. Love your brethren Fi'sabilillah, and don't worry about the rest. Insha'Allah Allah will take care of it; after all He is The Best of All Judges, The Most Knowing, and The Most High.

Thank you Allah for teaching me such a great lesson yesterday!

Paint...

Sometimes i felt terribly down but Allah is always there for me. I cried most of the time in pain. Today Allah shows me one website. When i discover about the website, i felt that it was such a great blessing from Allah. I started to look my problems from Islamic perspective. I understand right now that my condition is a blessing from Allah. I am facing the same problem that was faced by the Ummahatul Mukminin.

I am trying to give myself another 2 years to improve my health. I plan to work in other country after 6 years if there are no changes. I need a place where i can forget about my condition. I need a place where i can start my new life without any judgement from other peoples. I need a place where i can give my life truly for Islam. I am planning and Allah is the best planner.

We are just the brushes for the Painter to paint His light.

O Allah, don’t put my affairs in my hands even a blink of my eyes.

Best...

I love a time when I am alone and I have no one else with me. At that time, I remember Allah better. I love talking to Allah when I am alone. I love talking to Allah whenever everyone was sleeping. I always want a time that is specially dedicated to Allah.

There was a time when I felt so jealous when I saw my friends doing qiamullail. I know I should’nt have such feeling.But I am always afraid if Allah don’t loves me anymore.

My pain recurs and it getting worse everyday. I am happy for that. I remember Allah better. I am happy when my faith was tested. I am happy when Allah gives me difficulty in life.

I love one prayer that I heard from Anwar Awlaki’s lecture:

O Allah, don’t put my affairs in my hands even a blink of my eyes.

The prayer has such a great meaning for me. When I understand that prayer, I will never ask Allah to cure me, but I am only asking Allah to give me the best thing in life. Pain might be the thing for me right now..