Paint...

Sometimes i felt terribly down but Allah is always there for me. I cried most of the time in pain. Today Allah shows me one website. When i discover about the website, i felt that it was such a great blessing from Allah. I started to look my problems from Islamic perspective. I understand right now that my condition is a blessing from Allah. I am facing the same problem that was faced by the Ummahatul Mukminin.

I am trying to give myself another 2 years to improve my health. I plan to work in other country after 6 years if there are no changes. I need a place where i can forget about my condition. I need a place where i can start my new life without any judgement from other peoples. I need a place where i can give my life truly for Islam. I am planning and Allah is the best planner.

We are just the brushes for the Painter to paint His light.

O Allah, don’t put my affairs in my hands even a blink of my eyes.

Best...

I love a time when I am alone and I have no one else with me. At that time, I remember Allah better. I love talking to Allah when I am alone. I love talking to Allah whenever everyone was sleeping. I always want a time that is specially dedicated to Allah.

There was a time when I felt so jealous when I saw my friends doing qiamullail. I know I should’nt have such feeling.But I am always afraid if Allah don’t loves me anymore.

My pain recurs and it getting worse everyday. I am happy for that. I remember Allah better. I am happy when my faith was tested. I am happy when Allah gives me difficulty in life.

I love one prayer that I heard from Anwar Awlaki’s lecture:

O Allah, don’t put my affairs in my hands even a blink of my eyes.

The prayer has such a great meaning for me. When I understand that prayer, I will never ask Allah to cure me, but I am only asking Allah to give me the best thing in life. Pain might be the thing for me right now..